An Extrovert's Introvert Cheek

I was never an introvert by choice.

I guess my repeated failures in human inter action, failing to meet socially acceptable standards was also not a choice.

The fact of being in a circle without really being IN the circle was never the less unfathomable by the hands of reality by which we all live in. Sometimes extroverts like me also has another side of its cheek, its not as if my face has a sign that says "SHE is an extrovert. She always laughs when needed (seldom not needed, but still), says Joke when appropriate, and even curses when she feels like it. She is an extrovert, binded by the surface in which her soul belongs too, that when you are a big person you must always be the laughing stock or you must always be a clown or that she wont feel the half truth in every joke you said. Yes She is an extrovert. Funny. But still complicated." yes i guess that’s the sign all people i know see in me, but deep within my angst and humour i guess the (quote)" intelligent" (unquote) people i am with doesn’t mind hurting me, coz they always feel that ill take every word as a joke.

Dont get wrong, i know i am all talkative and stuff but would it hurt to push the pedal brakes of your mouth? i guess its not funny when you *not* obviously in a jokingly manner tell people that we dont need you, or that you deserve to be in another segment/unit. Oh haha! thats so funny! youve just mastered the art of being humorous in a subtle way. *clap clap clap*

Yet people tell us we’re all different; unique, for use of a better word. And yet, there are norms, which I failed to understand, that if somebody sees you with this skill that you must always stick with what you obviously have, question? would it hurt to trust a person with a different thing? i guess not, but i guess your brain has been squashed with the ego running around your frontal lobe so what could somebody like me do? ofcourse there is. Nothing. if youve realized that you are the person im talking about, well im sorry, i guess this no good girl has nothing good to say in her blog haha!

But seldom people like me dont see that, What we fail to realise is that our own standards are at times tied into the standards set by society or those you consider friends. Not meeting those standards or letting them down is akin to letting yourself down. Before long, you begin to be left out of conversations and you resign yourself to your fate; falling upon a sword that is thrust into your hand, but was never yours to begin with. You withdraw; taking backward steps, until you begin to feel comfortable in your own isolation, or so you tell yourself and others, if asked. The truth is, you never accept this, but you live like you do. You want to be spoken to. You want to be loved and not ignored. You want to accepted, trusted and be useful, You want to be important and not merely a silent presence or a wall flower with a body and mouth that speaks.